I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
