it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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