my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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