I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
