me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
