That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
