I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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