I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Vodka?
Forever.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
