I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
