I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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