why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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