Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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