So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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