O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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