i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
