you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
