Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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