Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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