There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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