how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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