Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize