So drunk, too bad you don't want this
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
