Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
