i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
