totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
