My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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