He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
