A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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