whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
there is glitter all over my balls
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