I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
