I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
