Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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