I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
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