The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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