you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
