Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
