my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize