I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
