How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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