im drinking this country out of the recession.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
