My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize