just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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