You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
