Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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