when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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