So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
