dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Acid is not a monday night drug
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
