i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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