The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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