Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wish you could order shots online.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
