I look better un-naked...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
