South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
This baby is an asshole
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
