i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
