Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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