No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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