i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
