so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize