The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
