He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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