So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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