I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
