whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
