I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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