god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
