i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
