I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
