I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
