Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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